Thursday, July 2, 2015

Second look on the 2nd ----Celia's Night Mare

This is the first time I've joined this meme. My MIL passed on Jan. 9th of 2011 
Dementia finally won out but we had lost her long before that day. 
Her birthday was June 15th and I always think about her a lot in June and when I saw this meme this morning this was the post I thought of first. 
I was still in the early stages of blogging then and mostly just wrote what was on my mind and heart at the time. With little forethought or planning. 
This post was full of emotions and feeling and fear. 

Celia's Night Mare

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Meet Celia--Living with Dementia

Celia Marie Samsel

Celia's Fight
"Anger rails at an uncontrollable beast .
A hideous worm eating away at her life force.
Stealing her memories and her ability to be rational
Leaving just enough to keep her confused and frightened.
Slowly taking everything she holds dear. "

Celia is my mother-in-law and has lived with us for 3 years now. She has dementia and is no longer able to care for herself. The last few months her disease has escalated and she is losing her fight to remain herself.
One of her few pleasures now is setting in the yard while I work. She sets and listens to the birds sing and dreams about a life that is fading away

She was always a feisty,very strong willed woman... not always so easy to get along with..but very sure of herself. I miss that woman as I watch her set and stare and cry about a life she can no longer control.
I miss the wonderful Italian meals that woman could cook and the recipes she was always going to share someday and never got around to it. She never wrote them down. Family recipes her mother brought from Italy.
I even miss those in your face arguments on on how to make a bed or wash a pot. She was the original "Mrs.. Clean" and loved her self proclaimed job of "Clean Police"

Once in awhile I still catch a sparkle in her eye that's a remnant of her old self . A fleeting flash soon lost.
For awhile I resented her constant presence and the loss of my own time and freedom. Now I fear that she will soon be leaving us forever and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
What will I do with out her to care for?
Who would have thought that a woman who hated me in the beginning would become so important to me in the end.
I love her and miss her already.

Thank You Elizabeth  for sponsoring this Meme.
You can check out the other post at ...
altered book lover


  1. What a beautiful post and tribute to you M-In-Law, Carol. It is so hard to watch someone go through this, but she was lucky to spend her days in a loving home. Thanks for sharing on 2nd look.

  2. Oh Carol. I can't help but cry. The emotion you showed and the way you shared it, helped me feel your pain, resentment, love, and eventual loss. It also shows how, when a person is no longer able to convey their feelings and thoughts, steps should have been taken years before to ensure you knew everything about her. It's really too bad her recipes died with her. It also shows we need to be respectful of our elders and how much they are missed when they are no longer around, even though they may still be "around."

    Thanks for sharing this poignant story of your MIL with us as your second look on the 2nd.

  3. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt tribute to your mother-in-law Carol.
    Such a cruel disease for everyone involved.
    Our youngest son works with Alzheimer's patients at a facility in CO. He often says what sweet ladies they are. Your mil was lucky to spend her last days at home with your family as hard as that must have been.

  4. Carol I remember when you first posted this. I think I had just found you and your blog. I was moved to tears when I read it then and I am teary reading it now. Your posts about her took me back to my Aunt's battle with this disease. Your pictures of her are very moving and emotional.

  5. What a beautiful post Carol, I'm stuck for words - it's very difficult to watch our older folk age, my dad has been gone just three years...we remember to good, happy times.

  6. what a heartfelt Tribute... more and more families around here are dealing with this disease. hard for everybody to watch the process...

  7. This a fitting tribute to your mother in law, she looks like she'd have been a great lady to know. It must be so hard seeing that the outside of the person with dementia looks the same but the inside has become, like you are to her, unrecognisable.
    Thank you for sharing.