When I walked into her room yesterday she lay on her bed appearing to be asleep. As I took off my coat and stepped closer to her bed she looked up with a fleeting look of recognition and then confusion. As if she knew she should know who I was but just not sure if she did. She tried to reach for me and struggled to speak, finally uttering a faint "HOLD ME" her voice barely a whisper but her eyes screamed of insecurity and fear. She pulled my hand to her face as tears ran down her cheeks. I squeezed into her bed and softly stroked her skin as I reassured her that she wasn't alone and everything would be ok. She looks so lost and terrified. Her skin is dry and brittle and I try to rub the lotions and creams on her face and arms being as careful and gentle as possible because she pulls back as if in pain if you touch to hard. I talk constantly in a soft voice telling her of my day and how much I love her and miss her. How I wish I could take her pain away and let her have peace. I have no idea if she understands a thing I say...she just just stares with that lost look. The only response I get is when I try to move she clutches on tight as if to keep me there. After a couple of hours of constant stroking and talking she falls into a deep sleep and I slip out bed and come home.
Is she more frightened when she wakes up alone? Does she even remember I was there? How much longer can her pain and suffering go on? Questions without answers as the disease continues to destroy her and those that love her.
Prayers that someday they will have answers to stop the monster from taking away others.