With all of the negative things going on in my life these days I couldn't force myself to decorate for Christmas. Who wants to celebrate when they are losing so many of the things they hold dear.
Running back and forth from the hospital and work made it seem all the more a waste of time.
But one day I realized I was missing out on the seasons brightness. I couldn't think of using all or any of the decorations Bob and I had bought together and believe me there are a ton . We loved Christmas.
Then I saw a wreath that I made one year when I was making one for Ceil. I had just thrown it together with the flowers left from her wreath and some pine cones. So I hung it on the front door.
Then I made a wreath for work out of a Home Depot adds like the popular vintage sheet music wreaths. I enjoyed making the wreath and it kept my mind occupied and off my problems. So I dug around downstairs and found an old book with yellowed pages and ripped it apart to make my own paper wreath. I just kept adding rows of cones and adding them until my wreath became a large Dahlia like flower that will probably hang above the fireplace mantle until I move out in the spring. Then it will go with me to my new home.
I spend my days getting up at 3am getting to work at 4am and working until 1pm. Then I go to the nursing home and set with Ceil until evening. Come home and grab a bite to eat and go to bed to start the process all over again. We stayed the whole weekend at the nursing home only leaving to get something to eat. Mostly she sleeps but once in awhile she wakes up and is responsive. She is in pain but they give her great drugs which act very quickly. She wants to be held and loved a lot so I climb into bed with her and just hold and stroke her. It seems to help the most with her anxiety and fear and it helps me too. I wish that I could do more for her to make her passing easier.
Keep us all in your prayers Please.