After spending Christmas with my kids and grandkids and having a wonderful time. I decided to spend New Years at home. My husband is in the process of moving out and was not going to be around for the weekend. I figured I had to face the fact that I would be living alone for the first time since 1974.
Not to be misleading we've only been together for 17 years. Before that I was either married to someone else or sharing a place with other people. So I haven't lived totally on my own for more years than I care to count.
I have extreme mixes of emotions over this. On the positive side I'm looking forward to independence and decorating my own place. (I have to be out of the house my the end of May.) Getting involve with some local art groups maybe and taking some classes.
On the negative I'm scared to death. I don't remember living alone fondly. I'm still grieving the loss of my love and my home and I'm not so sure how I will be able to handle the finances on my own...my life style will be changing dramatically.
The core of me knows that I will survive and that in the long run I will be a better and stronger person.
I have wonderful and supportive friends and family who will help me as much as I need them. Plus I have my creative outlets to keep me occupied and help me heal.
These are the things I do look forward to.
To be able to take care of my own needs first will be an empowering experience!!
I'm excited to see where my art will take me and I pray that I will be able to find a place to live that I can move most of my garden with me. With out dirt to play in I am not whole.
So even though I cried most of the evening I did my best to say good bye to the past . I am trying to greet the new year with great expectations of wonderful and positive experiences.
Wishing you all the best for 2011!!
Let it be the year of Positive Beginnings for us all!!!!